Since when did family guy become funnier than the simpsons?

Going to be so late. Fresh cobweb across dashboard. Sans spider …

So much traffic ….

With so many social networking sites and blogs floating around the internet, it’s hard to find something that’s worthy of dedicating your precious time to. Whether you’re all Solitaired out at work or  your friends <i>’accidentally’</i> forgot to invite you to the movies on Friday night, a little time with these artists will make you laugh until it hurts.

1. <b>’The Oatmeal’</b> is a series of rules, observations and life lessons by Matthew Inman. He creates clever, interesting scenes in an attempt to pass on his knowledge to others, it seems. However relevant that information is is up for debate. Such titles include <i>’6 Reasons to Ride a Polar Bear to Work’, ‘How to Suck at Facebook’, ‘7 Reasons to Keep Your T-Rex Off Crack Cocaine’ and ‘How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You’.</i> With illustrations that are equally absurd, each comic is funnier than the last. And if you really love them? They’re available to buy as posters online. [via theoatmeal.com]

2. <b>’Brainless Tales’</b> is a daily comic drawn by a guy that just goes by Marcus. His cartoons are often PUNny, sometimes disturbing, casually inexplicable and random, but always clever and good for a chuckle if you enjoy word play. Comics include <i>’Duck billed Platypus’, ‘Barrel of Monkeys’ and ‘Loaded Potato Skins’</i>, none of which are drawn like what you’re currently picturing in your head - guaranteed. But that’s a good thing. [via brainlesstales.com]

3. <b>’Cyanide & Happiness’</b> is considered anti-humor or black comedy, as its content is usually dark and taboo. However, that seems to only help this comic in being wildly hilarious. A daily comic contributed to by four artists, Cyanide & Happiness has been around for nearly 7 years, and finds its success in the unexpected and zingy punchlines. Using just stick figures as characters, this strip is usually no more than 5 frames, and doesn’t beat around the bush getting to the laughs. [via explosm.net]

Having multiple pairs of pants or disposable diapers are recommended before viewing. 

We all know that the English language is one of the most complex languages to learn in the entire world. It has not only more rules than any other language, but is also a host to some of the most broken rules of any language.

In primary school, we’re taught simple ways to remember the strange rules. “I before E, except after C!” Seems simple enough. Then we get a little bit older, and they add to the rules. “and when sounding like A, as in neighbor and weigh!” Um, okay. Then, once we think we’ve finally got the hang of it “but skip this rule for ‘weird’, because it’s weird!” 

… Huh?

Then we get old enough to think about this rule on our own, and all of a sudden these words that were never covered in the rhyme start popping up that break rules left, right and center. “Did their chief achieve everything he wanted?”

… What?!

Some people make embarrassing, albeit understandable mistakes in places of little significance, like in rough drafts of term papers and e-mails to your Dad. But these people’s hilarious and tragic grammatical errors receive a little less understanding, but a lot more sympathy, and even more laughs. 

Their elementary school teacher’s would be disappointed.

My ex-boyfriend and all of our mutual friends in his band were doing a show … In my old house … where Sheena now lives. Everyone was there except for him. Everyone was getting impatient waiting for him to show up, and hours later he finally did with his new girlfriend, who turned out to be my long lost twin that I didn’t even know existed, except she has beautiful strawberry blonde hair. The reason he was late was because they were fighting. For some reason, nobody notices the resemblance between the two of us.

He walks into my old room (where the show was being held) and says hi to everyone and stops on me, obviously shocked. I’m polite, of course. Trying not to be awkward, I say “hi, how are you?”. He says good and walks away, still shocked. His girlfriend, super nice, says she doesn’t think we’ve met, holding her hand out to shake. I say Hi, I’m Rachel. She withdraws her hand. She knows who I am. Greg comes back and asks what I’ve been up to. I tell him not much, comment on his hair, which he had since bleached blonde. He smiles at me. The band goes to play their set.

I stay for the first half, and then go to leave at the intermission. I say goodbye to everyone, and he offers to walk me out. His arm is against my shoulders and his arm wraps down around my waist. We reach the front door and as we part, I let go of him, but he doesn’t let go of my waist. We’re now facing each other, the band is back on the stage in my room, getting ready to start up again. He sighs. I can tell he’s been fighting with his new girlfriend, me part two. I feel like I’m on top of the world. Looking at his face, seeing the look of regret for ever letting us be apart. He’s starts to talk, but I cut him off saying I really have to go. He mention he knows I’ve been busy, implying he’s been watching my activity on Facebook. I give him a hug and leave, taking everything I have not to admit that I’ve missed him every say since we were apart. The games we’re forced to play to eventually achieve the ends we want are absurd. And I woke up with heartache.

I find it odd that I, and many other girls, will base how much we like a celebrity based on what we know of their real life. I’ve recently developed a crush on Dwayne Johnson. I think he’s buff and handsome, has some of the most beautiful teeth I’ve ever seen, and just generally has a kind face and overall composure that gives me the impression that he is a good guy.

So, because of this, as I was watching ‘The Tooth Fairy’ to feed my new addiction, I caught myself wondering if he’s married, or if he has kids, simply because I’d like to watch him on screen and entertain the thought that I could possibly be with him. (Side note: His girlfriend in the movie is unrealistically not even close to his league). Then, once I had convinced myself that surely a good looking guy like Dwayne Johnson has a wife, or at least an ex-wife and children, it made me upset! Which is actually absurd and embarrassing, and makes such little sense. But I know a lot of other people do things similar, which is obviously why agents try and control the way their celebs look to everyone. Because I want to see a guy on screen that I have a shot at being with! Not one that’s happily married with 3 kids and I couldn’t win over if we were ever to possibly meet.

I find it too much pressure to have people watch my favourite movies with me. I can lend it to them no problem! Please, allow me to spread the awesomeness. But to watch it in front of me? I’m always looking out of the corner of my eye to make sure they’re paying attention and catching all the subtle parts. If they don’t have the specific reaction I want them to have at every part, I feel disappointed. Disappointed, and then nervous. Because if they don’t like it, and I love it, we’re simultaneously judging each other.

I’m prematurely ending this thought because I’m hungers.

Tomorrow is my last day of work! I’ve worked at the same place for three years to the month, which is a relatively big deal for me.

I have a love/hate relationship with change. I’m never satisfied with anything I have or am doing, so I make grandiose plans to change them, but never put them into effect. I like the idea of change; dreaming and planning it down to the finest details, imagining myself in a not too distant future exponentially happier. However, I’ve always lacked the determination to do anything about it. Laziness is the dominant name of my game. I’ve been thinking about quitting for over a year, talking about it for 9 months, and in the last 6 was even pushed so far to hand in my two weeks notice on THREE separate occasions … But was shortly thereafter coaxed into staying. So this, is a big deal.

On a different, smaller, vague topic, I’d like to start a YouTube channel where I review movies. I’ve seen a few different critics online, but generally speaking don’t find them entertaining. There’s one that’s called ‘Reel Geezers’, and it stars a man and woman, both in their 80’s that worked in the film industry their whole lives, and they review modern movies together. Sounds promising, right? It unfortunately, isn’t. They argue in a non-comical fashion over menial film details, and recall their past in film far too often in the boring tone and seemingly pointless way senior citizens are known for. The hosts are caught in a limbo in which their show isn’t good, but isn’t so bad that it’s good.

Anyway. Point = Start Film Critic Channel.